The Entertainer
2001 The introduction of Davey Bone and the summer that would seal a friendship, which would later become a fantastic business partnership
In around July 2001 I had been asked by Tyne Tees Models, the agency I was with at the time to do a Fila Fashion Catwalk in Liverpool. I needed the cash and so agreed to do this. I called Davey Bone my younger cousin who was studying sports science and psychology at the time in Liverpool and asked if I could stay. Davey and I had up until now simply an older cousin younger cousin relationship and had not kept in touch other than when we had seen each other at family gatherings in the North East. After the fashion show I met up with Davey and we had a night out. I remember distinctly being frustrated watching in the bar we were in, fellow athletes performing at athletics events I had missed out on. The alcohol that night eased the pain but what happened next changed certainly my chain of events for the better but changed Davey’s in a massive way. I looked on the dance floor when Billie Jean by Michael Jackson came on and Davey was ripping up the dance floor with the grace of a panther. His Jacko kicks and moonwalks were near flawless! How had I forgotten all this time that Davey was such an avid Jacko fan, it all came flooding back, his full sized cardboard Jack poster in his room as a young lad, his MJ albums. Davey would make the perfect partner this summer.
I asked Davey what he was doing this summer and he told me how he had already booked a holiday with his best mates. I insisted he had to get out of it somehow. Even if he forfeited the cost we would make it back and more. He had to dance with me on the streets that summer. After a “strained back” and a doctor’s note Davey was out of the holiday and rehearsing with me regularly in the local community centre in Forest Hall in Newcastle. We did not have long! We had only a few days before I was due to start performing. I had upgraded my sound system this year to a Fender Passport 250. A portable PA system which cost £700, which for me was a fortune but was a speculation I needed to make in order for us to compete with the best buskers in London sound wise. We would not be drowned out. This attitude led to one of the most aggressive and loudest dance offs in Leicester Square that summer with the notorious Melvin, which I will go into more detail on later. Not something I am proud of now that I know the code of conduct for street entertaining but nevertheless a great story.
We needed identical outfits though and my mum had the answer. Her name was Samya, she was a Libyan tailor with gifted fingers and one of the few capable of making two John Travolta suits in 4 days! My mum has always been someone who has done everything she can for anyone she can and she has favours to redeem for many a year. This was one chance where she needed to redeem one. Samya set to work and sure enough she nailed the deadline with a day to spare! They fit like a glove. I was in white with black shirt and Davey was in Black with white shirt. I wore a black afro and aviators and Davey had a mullet wig.
Our first test for the show was at a family party and it went down a storm. Uncle Dave, Davey’s dad was proud as punch and said “lads London is going to love you, you will make a fortune!”
The next day we set off for Leicester square. It was a special place for me now spiritually and always will be. It had helped me get to America in 1998, it had helped pay for my training to become the UK's number one under 23 year old high hurdler in 1999 and make the Olympic Trials Final alongside Colin Jackson the world record holder. In 2000 it had helped me raise the money again for the 2001 athletics season and help pay my way through University. What would it hold this time with the addition of Disco Dave and his game show wave?
Before we even arrived, Davey and I had struck a chord, he is officially the funniest man on the planet and deserves his own TV show. Asides from that he has an impermeable resilience to obstacles when he has a goal. That is Davey Bone now as I write but back then in the summer of 2000 he was complacent, lazy and had the work ethic of a depressed Mexican. He was about to enter the Liam Collins boot camp of long days, ridiculous stress levels. Sore muscles and joints and no time for lie ins in the morning but he was also about to experience the magic of the streets!
As a young lad Davey had had an obsession with tramps. If you are from USA and reading this a tramp in English is a bum and I realise you guys call a tramp a whore and we call a bum a bum whereas you guys call a bum a fanny. We call a fanny something very different but I’ll move on! Davey’s dad would take little Davey to see the tramps on a Saturday morning around Newcastle and had names for all of them. There was the coat man, the bag lady, he knew them all and that summer meeting the bearded Lady of Guildford was a treat Davey will never forget. Many people would have been put off my homeless bottling each other in the middle of our shows or hurling abuse but we loved it.
We got the train down on Saturday 4th August 2001 we decided our first stop would be Guildford. I had set the busking record here the year previously and new it was a wealthy pitch. Davey’s quote from the first day.
“I feel incredible when people were coming up and asking for autographs and photos it’s what I’ve been waiting 19 years for!! Need to put more energy into my Michael Jackson solo though, looked very tired at times. Pretty much happy with the rest of it though. Looking forward to tomorrow!!”
Liam’s Diary extract from 7/8/01
“Monday – up at 8.30 counting coins, so many!! Not happy at Davey’s lack of time. When I say 8.30 I mean it and not 9.16! He’s coping ok but it’s only a matter of time before he is ill. We went to the bank and paid the cash in then worked in Guildford and did 6 shows. I went mental and worked very hard then we jumped the cargo section of the train and rode it to Waterloo where we treated ourselves to a nights stay at the Regents Palace in Piccadilly Circus….. definitely not a palace!!”
“I am tearing myself apart. I am either going to need a lot more rest days or if I am to dance this hard we need to choose the streets carefully to make it worthwhile. Today we didn’t perform due to bad weather. I managed to hustle £20 out of a man on the train for a taxi to Natalie’s at the other end. Nice to have some home comforts at Nat’s!”
Davey’s Diary Extract from 11/8/01
“ I am absolutely wrecked, took myself to the limit today but I felt good for it. I still can’t believe how much we are making its amazing. I told Liam after twelve 30 min shows that I had hit the wall! But I’m pleased he pushed me through to 14. A man who promised to come back and play a mouthorgan let us down. A very good day though. I feel like I’ve worked hard and looking forward to tomorrow’s rest day.
Liam – “my eye balls are sore, I have an ulcer a cramped hamstring from only kicking on one side in MJ and the right side of my face tingles. I need a rest day.”
The dance off and getting arrested
One day Davey and I arrived at Leicester Square and were just about to begin when a dwarf informed me he was here first. I respected that and let him perform. He balanced bicycle wheels on various parts of his body it was quite amazing. When he had finished I begin setting up. Whilst setting up, Melvin a break-dancer, hardened by 15 years on the street set up right next to us and began to crank his music up. I went over and explained I was here before him but he ignored me and carried on.
I said to Davey “Fine here we go, crank it up.” This was the moment I had been waiting for, I had the bigger sound system, he had crossed the line of the busking code and it had to be done. We belted out 3 of our best shows and drowned him out. It felt like something out of a 80s film or the MJ “Beat It” video. We had won our first busk off. Melvin came over at the end and said “you want to play like that, fine I’ll be back tomorrow and this time I’ll be prepared.”
We laughed it off wondering what on earth he had planned but sure enough the next day when we arrived on the pitch, there was Melvin with 4 enormous speakers, a huge trolley he had wheeled them down on and a petrol generator. He had brought an entire arsenal! This was territorial busking wars at its best. It was 11.00 in the morning and he had his music full blast. We tried to crank ours up and he went louder. I increased the bass and he matched it. I increased the output on the Amp and he matched it. I increased the volume minidisc and he matched it. I changed from minidisc to CD and he matched it and 20 minutes later we were both arrested for disturbing the peace. We were given a warning and Davey and I had learned our lesson that some battles are not always worth fighting let alone winning. Melvin would carry on to disturb the peace in his aggressive selfish stance to make ends meet and as a result several months later street entertaining in Leicester Square would be banned for ever. I hate to think that we were part of that law being passed but I can’t help feeling an element of guilt in playing my part.
We had some amazing experiences together meeting all sorts of weird and wonderful characters like a man who trained budgies to jump through hoops and walk up ladders! And Chinese Elvis impersonators. Davey’s most memorable moment was probably in Leicester Square when he said “Liam this mullet wig stinks I don’t know what it is but it stinks!” I suddenly realised that I had found it in our loft, I relayed where I had found it and it suddenly dawned on me. I had found it in my younger sister Charlotte’s toilet potty! The small plastic portable toilet kids use! It was dry when I picked it up but it had been marinating in my little sisters wee for a long time in that loft and that was the smell. Davey was nearly sick and tore the wig off in disgust! I was nearly crying with laughter. That summer we made £14477 and did 179 shows. It had been the most successful summer yet. Some had gone to Davey, some to Natalie who had helped, some on expenses and the rest was for me to pay my way to have the best opportunities in athletics that year. I had also met a number of people who wished to sponsor me. Once again it had been an incredible summer.
Many of the anecdotes have been edited to make them acceptable for all readers of all ages. Perhaps one day I will write the uncensored memoirs.
